letters from the vault

Hi, 4 days until I register for university. Such a bittersweet feeling. Once I leave this house, I won't belong here anymore. This house will just be a place I used to spend all my life, and where I seek refuge during semester breaks. It's a bit funny to me because I've never been far from home allll my life. Also, I'm quite nervous about learning law subjects since it's something very, very new to me. It will definitely take time to get my brain tuned to think like a law student. May Allah ease this journey, may Allah smooth my path in seeking knowledge. It seems like I've been rejected for all 6 scholarships I applied for, so... I am determined to achieve 4.0 GPA in UPU and UiTM. UPU seems achievable, but UiTM seems difficult sebab cara dia kira tu macam much more stricter than UPU, BUT NOW THAT I AM SO SO SO PISSED OFFFFFFF. ko tengok je k. memang aku kasi jadi.  Okay, back to packing. I haven't bought anything. Let's just bring whatever I have. Which...

Ya Allah Ya Rahim, im writing this late late at night after discovering that i was rejected by YTP. Sad is not exactly what im feeling right now because applying for ytp wasnt THAT consuming of my effort. there was no chance given, no interview, no assessment. so i think it is safe to say that it was 100% based on luck (and maybe your household income since it's MARA). what im experiencing now is the feeling of losing hope. i havent received any email from petronas too. the feeling of despair has took in charge of me tonight. at this point, i am unsure of my current course of action in life. where have my aspiration gone? i dont feel passionate, i dont feel driven.  Ya Allah, i beg you for your mercy and your guidance. show me the way Ya Allah Ya Kabir. if pursuing law at uitm is the best for me, bless my soul with the feeling or certainty. teguhkan hati aku Ya Allah. only You know best. Ya Allah, janganlah kau bolak balikkan hatiku setelah aku yakin dengan sesuatu. i beg you Ya Al...

 hi, today im not gonna talk about finance-bro-kinda thing (i could if you want me to). this is just an imagination of mine. take a moment to close your eyes and think about what you really want to do in your life. no rules, no logic. just what your heart desire. kalau aku, i want to live in somewhere peaceful. putrajaya ke.. in a proper neighborhood la, ada semua facilities, walkable, developed tapi still can provide privacy and ada sense of quietness. pastu aku nak own a flowershop and work as a devoted florist kahkah. flower shop aku tu aku nak pairkan dengan cafe. bestnya pagi pagi bau coffee dengan pastry. tapi aku rasa aku akan more towards cafe tu sebab kitanya takde talent nak gubah bunga. hanya ada cita-cita.takde skill, tapi aku suka. kira halal la eh. bestnya. pastu aku nak gi travel satu dunia. aku nak pastikan semua negara kat dunia ni aku pernah jejak or at least aku tick semua yang dalam list aku. ni kinda boleh jadi kenyataan compared to kedai bunga tadi. aku rasa a...

 hiii as we stepped out of the dewan on 5th of March 2024, we cant longer abuse the "highschool student" title. habis paper account, kitorang terus keluar dewan and tangkap gambar dengan cikgu mamar. it was such a weird complexion of feelings tbh. rasa happy sebab dah habis spm. the stress and pressure semua habis. but at the same time, rasa sedih juga la nak tinggalkan sekolah. knowing that ill never see these faces anymore is such a relieve tapi cam sedih gak ah kan? (aku doakan the best for every one terutamanya yang baik baik and yang tak baik dengan aku tu haha) sekolah ni macam comfort one aku tau. i mean, 13 tahun pergi sekolah. and suddenly im not gonna go to school anymore?  so sejujurnya aku takut nak keluar dari comfort bubble aku. and aku not ready to break habit aku, nak tukar routine. imagine jumpa cikgu and classmate yang sama for 2 1/4 years. kalau boleh nak jadi budak sekolah je sampai mati sebab malas nak fikir tanggungjawab lain. annndddd, the highlight of ...

 hiiiiiii  my friends and i went for a "study trip" to Perpustakaan Kuala Lumpur. it was quite impromptu tho since we did not planned anything beforehand. we just "weh esok lepas habis paper agama jom library kl" and just like that, i found myself in front of that building, sitting on the effing bare ground, with my 4 frens sebab teman nabel makan. yea. kitorang duduk tepi jalan (depan library- everyone in the library could see us from the inside), atas lantai sebab nabel lapar gila nak mampos. but small deal je  doh. i had fun rempat tepi jalan. and i glad he decided to eat his nasi lemak tepi jalan bcs that's what i remember the most from that trip besides farihin vomiting dalam kete bapak aly. but satu benda jela aku tabik ngan nabel, nasi lemak tu dia beli siap siap from his neighborhood. sangat strategik!! special thanks to Aly's mum for showing us the route from her office (her office is located NEEAARR the mrt station- yes we went there by mrt) to the...

 hi, time past like wind and i got caught up by it. lah tibah. ok gini, rupanya dah 5 paper aku sat for. gila doh. dah la macam aku tak prepare langsung. tahu tahu habis spm sia camni. honest review la en spm ni.. bm -7/10 paper senang gak ah but definitely mencabar. bahasa melayu klasik aku tibai. karangan alhamdulilah takde format eng- 4/10 wtf was that. first and foremost, mood aku memang dah hilang ah sebab listening punya  paper memang out.. pastu paper essay pun cam cibai  sejarah - 3/10 ha paper ni aku memang depend on kbat je. apa yang aku baca satu haram pun tak masuk. penat do study. aku rasa kecewa gila PASTU RUPANYA PAPER NI DAH LEAKED.  maths- 5/10 hm biasa ah maths aku trials pun C je ritu. cuma sedih ah sebab lepas result trials keluar, aku memang hari hari buat latihan maths tau sebab kiranya macam final push la kan nak score A for spm. sekali menghampakan doh. aku rasa macam betrayed.  malam paper maths tu aku nangis teruk gila kat bapak aku. ag...

 hi... im sweating, my heart is racing and my legs are shaking as im writing this. nervous nok nak spm. probably because i feel like i havent done any preparation yet.. im currently focusing on maths because i did very very poorly for my trials haritu.. thats the only subject that i did not manage to score A. in fact.. i got a C. tak main huruf lain, kkita ambik C terus.  i really hope i can score straight A's this time since this is the real deal (SPM). it does not matter how many time you've scored all a's if you failed to ace in SPM. please pray for me tho..  gtg bye

 hi everyone. im on a grab rn.  baru habis kuarantin.  that was the longest quarantine ive ever experienced.  i did quite bad for my speaking test.  it's upsetting tho. i got fullmark for trials but for spm..? tahla banyak gila stutter and aku don't even finish my sentence. adoi stress sia.