a little bit of something

Ya Allah Ya Rahim, im writing this late late at night after discovering that i was rejected by YTP. Sad is not exactly what im feeling right now because applying for ytp wasnt THAT consuming of my effort. there was no chance given, no interview, no assessment. so i think it is safe to say that it was 100% based on luck (and maybe your household income since it's MARA).

what im experiencing now is the feeling of losing hope. i havent received any email from petronas too. the feeling of despair has took in charge of me tonight. at this point, i am unsure of my current course of action in life. where have my aspiration gone? i dont feel passionate, i dont feel driven. 

Ya Allah, i beg you for your mercy and your guidance. show me the way Ya Allah Ya Kabir. if pursuing law at uitm is the best for me, bless my soul with the feeling or certainty. teguhkan hati aku Ya Allah. only You know best. Ya Allah, janganlah kau bolak balikkan hatiku setelah aku yakin dengan sesuatu. i beg you Ya Allah. my poor soul cant handle this unsureness. i feel hopeless and unconfident. 

sejujurnya aku rasa macam aku planning for my own downfall. betul ke semua decision yang aku buat ni.

aku bukan sedih tak dapat YTP tau sebab aku cam tak put on hope sangat. tapi aku gelisah sebab tahla i doubt myself too much. confident is good, but what if aku overconfident pastu tak boleh bawak?? but heyy what if i fly??? tahla sekarang ni aku mintak Allah kasi aku feeling of sureness and Allah buka hati aku, lapangkan dada aku untukk terima ilmu. Ya Allah Ya  Alim, izinkan aku menuntut ilmu Ya Allah. 

Semoga Allah reda segala sesuatu yang aku buat and may it be blessed by Him. 

Ya Allah, i do have faith on you Ya Allah. This year has been so challenging for me Ya Allah and the only thing i gain from all the test was,, the enhance of my faith on you. Please lead me to a place I never would have imagined having the ability to go.. Ya Allah, i beg for your mercy, your kindness and your blessing. i believe in your kun fayya kun Ya Allah. 

Oh, speaking of petronas, yang ni pun aku tak put on hope and aku tak rasa aku dapat. but it is very understandable, it's petronas kot. rezeki la dapat merasa final stage. 

Ya Allah, i trust you and your plans for me. i should go to sleep now its almost three in the morning.