esok habis asasi

looking back 12 months from now, i have lived many lives. in 2024, i finished my high school, sat for THE spm, received the RESULT, met soooo many amazing minds while trying to place my humble self in this world, got rejected many many times, got the result for UPU, first time ever being apart from my family- managing my own life from the sun rise till it sets. crazy. single-handedly figuring out uni life, which i innitially had zero clue on how it works? what da hell in the world is this week system? why am i getting all the assignment at the first week on the first class?? surely was panicking my ass on that first week of August.

then, my first time ever trying to complete group assignment.. "ohhh theres rubric that i need to comply with" "oh, i may consult this with my lecturer" "oh.. kena booking for consultation? i thought after class should be fine?" "aik, tak belajar lagi kena buat task camni dah? cane nak buat ni"

tak campur lagi with my first time learning law. why are there so many jargon??? i remember me being purely stupid, asking madam hasni "jurisprudence tu kehakiman eh madam". EVERY. SINGLE. WORD (that i dont understand), aku tanya satu satu kat lecturers. reading law is indeed very very hard, especially for beginner like me. not just that, during sem 1, i had a hard time understanding the difference of legislative body and judiciary body. how out of touch i was to think that the court enacts the law and administers the law.... thats too many job my brother. 

okay, enough on that, i sat for my midterm that feels like the end of the world - which the results turned out very very okay (lol). but memang rasa cam the end of the world sebab nervous.. first time exam law kan hahaha. but honestly, sejak ambik law ni everything feels like the end of the world lol. patut la daniel kata orang yang work in legal industry generally mati awal 10 tahun compared to others. 

then, sat for finals that actually really developed my character as a person. look at me now, i have FINAL EXAM tomorrow (still havent studied) but here i am writing this. 

then, i sat for muet, with gap of TWO or (a) days after my finals exam??? very little to no preparation were made. and it turned out okay as well.  

sem 2, i changed my whole personality, now i am much more approachable and easy going as compared to sem 1. and these fucktards are exercizing the shit out of my new personality. they did not respect my boundaries at all.

also, this sem im writing a journal article (it is like a research paper, on child abuse. this paper will be published on Malaysian Current Law Journal btw) with my co-author, Mr Zuhdi. God knows that i am so so so going to miss this friend a lot. he was by my side since the first week of sem 1. rotation of arguments  and  disagreement,  we actually have a very weird working dynamic, said by others. and ive found that to be true. he knows what i prefer in my work, and he knows damn well what i surely dislike, and that alone really have secured us full mark for ALLLL assignment we had this sem. dah la aku buat berdua je dengan dia. crazy work. in regards of the journal paper, i really do hope the CLJ will publish it asap bcs i will go for law school interview.... next week...... (tapi ok je sebab kami dah hantar kat clj so boleh bawa letter tu pergi iv). crazy to think that im going to start my degree in 2 or 3 months.

and now, tomorrow, marks the end of my asasi. esok last paper of my finals (which i have not studied yet, and i really should start). asasi indeed is very fast paced.  i want to write more but i surely need to start studying now. 

update (post answering my final final exam) :

i did okay. i sat beside zuhdi, and man was.. struggling as well. i just feel like... it is such a huge relief that i've finished my asasi.. i love this place, i love hhow this place has transformed me, i love how loved i am here, and i love that i let myself grow here. 10 months is definitely not enough. this place gives me chills every. time. 

it feels surreal, it feels out of touch with reality. i still cannot believe that i go here. 

and now, im not sad or anything. i did not even take picture tadi. i dont know why. maybe i just dont want to say goodbye. not because i love the people here or anything.. but i love how much this place changed me. i really dont know how to emphasize this enough, but when i first enter here, i feel hopeless. sekarang ada la sikit hope. it's just that dengkil saw a very complex version of me. anyone that met me from may 2024 till today... saw a weirdly complex version of me. the version that me myself still dont understand. 

truth to be told, i still cannot comprehend that i go here. emotionally, i still am stuck somewhere.. somewhere that im not sure of. ive always felt like i disassociated, every time. tak sedar pun tahu tahu dah habis. i never really connect anything with my emotion, so when days like this comes, aku become confused tau. is it really time to go? because i havent even started to live yet. 

my oh my, next step is degree. i wonder what the world holds for me. 

my oh my, it has been... almost a year, perhaps i shall move on already.

also.. i am so so so tired now as im writing from my bed. tapi tak sabar do nak jalan jalan esok

before that, heres some of the picture i took with my roommate and sem 1 housemate. 

you will be missed, dengkil.

i will miss every evening walk with teha, erfan, nurin and danish to our tempat berkumpul. i will miss gurau at anjung, i will miss every time we pull the "study kat bb" move.