2025 was a year of answered prayers

2025 was a series of answered prayers.

I often write about how sad or devastated I am.. or how adversely affected I am thru out 2025.

but the reality is... i was blessed. really. 

2025, saya paling bersyukur untuk keluarga saya. saya paling bersyukur kerana Allah masih pinjamkan ibu bapa saya kepada saya. 2025 transformed me into a person that cling A LOT to my family. 

January, I started my second (and final) semester for foundation a.k.a the best era of my life. I was partially clueless on the industry but my course started to feel a lot more natural on me as compared to sem 1. The journey was a whole rollercoaster ride. I started to value my time there. 

"How I wish I would not have to leave this place", God knows I dont mind being stuck there forever. The lecturers are nice, my family is happy, I am happy with my housemates, and I have a good support system there. And me myself am doing well there. I have never felt happier. Which was weird. Because this time around, my definition of "happy" has changed. Dengkil altered how I perceived the world. I stopped being too harsh and too pushy on myself. I started to appreciate the emotional connection I build with people around me, I started to love my religion. I started to love life for as it is. I started living for the present. I noticed things that I had never noticed before. 

Perhaps my 15 years old would feel that I am "not as passionate" and "not as strongly determined" as her. I admit, I slowed down. I am working more on my mental and inner development. For once in my life, I breathe differently. The new kind of oxygen I breathe now are able to supply sense of consciousness to me, as if Allah has rewired my brain. I have lived in lucidity for all of my life. I was never present. 2025 January-May changed that. Thankyou January till May.  I appreciate you, and I yearn to experience it once again. I feel like a child and a teenager and an adut, all at once, but a perfect combination of it. 

Dengkil, the depth of my love for you goes beyond what words can hold. For once in my life, I could feel the chill of the breeze caressing my cheeks (I am imagining me walking my path from ptar to  Anjung dengkil to padang dahlia, to tasik, to padang maksiat. pusat islam. i miss dengkil.) The cold from the breeze felt like an apology and reassurance that came to hug me. Even though deep down inside, the feeling of petrified of what future holds for me EATS the sanity out of me (zaman isi upu time ni lol, dengan saimen nya, test nya, kena fikir nak isi apa lagi, kena fikir layak ke tak lol). but the breeze that hit me felt somehow calming. 

Oh June, June 2024 and June 2025. both of you shares the same attribute. Both are months of interviews. However, 2025 feels a lot more scarier but I was more prepared. I am no longer a 17 years old naive girl that are lacked of exposure. 2024 me was given A LOT of great opportunities but sadly, I was too TOOO naive for all that. mungkin orang kata not because i am not good, tapi sebenarnya tak ada rezeki. tapi i hate sugar coating and i live by reality. So I started to drill for my skills. I started to learn A LOT from my lecturers (i forced them to give me their tips) on how to become the one that will be picked. I do realize that my "quality" alone wont get me anywhere, I need to find a way to put it into a convincing words that I could utter and positive attribute I could display through my body.

July and August were scary. Full of hopes and prayers. I've done my best for the interviews, prepared my resume, personal files, good cgpa, good cocu mark. but.. what if... history repeats itself?

I was... horribly scared at that time. But alhamdulillah, here I am living in my answered prayers

September and October feels unreal. I've started my degree journey! dream course! but this course surely is not easy. 

Same goes to November, but this is went my cups were overflowed with negativity and self-doubt. On 1 Novemer, wire kepala otak aku cam putus teruk gila and I went crazy for like 3 or 4 weeks. My parents' and daniel's (this is my friend from asasi, the one that hangs with me a lot - usually for food and bb study) phone were blown off due to me spamming calls to them. I was IN NEED of people to support me.

December is nothing but kind to me. I am more than okay now. butttt kind of.. drowning in the workload and running out of time to prepare for my finals exam.

2026, I pray to Allah that you will be full of blessing and feels easier than 2025. I pray for more wins, for me, my family and friends. 

sekian saje reflection tahunan.